Monday, December 29, 2008

STRESS

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. Emotional suffering is nothing but stress. Stress is the biggest killer in society today. Stress leads to illness. You suffer more from a thousand artificial anxieties and tensions. Stress weakens not only the muscles, but also exhausts the finer strength of the nerves. The constant anxiety that results from the uncertainty of something imagined.

Social circumstances, economic conditions, inner conflicts and adjustments do create stress and neurosis.

Stress have become an integral part of our life and need to be addressed without any inhibition, as it directly effects everyone personally as well as professionally. Quite a number of people have been suffering recently, many of them emotionally. Each one; be it a man or a woman undergoes a lot of psychological turbulence and are under immense inner pressure.

Stress initially increases reflexes, alertness, strength and the desire to survive. Senses become more acute(hearing becomes more sensitive, eyes become big, smell becomes sharper) so that you are more aware of your surroundings.

Most of the stress related problems that people face today are inter personal relationships, lack of self-knowledge, lack of confidence, lack of self-esteem, handling of guilt, anger and fear, negative thinking and attitude, burn out and depression. The most generic challenge that people face today is the sheer lack of acceptance and tolerance, self-introspection and self-analysis is totally absent. Factually, stress is nothing but the condition of one's own mind.

People with severe depression are incapable of experiencing pleasure.

A person who has experienced distressing conditions, show immediate signs of depression and traumatic stress disorder and are more likely to have psychosomatic ailments a year later. Mental stress can manifest in overt behavior.

Stress brings irritability, anger, sleeplessness, aimless anxieties, depression, and lack of energy, difficulty in concentrating, absent-mindedness crying spells, and feeling over whelmed or out of control; act which are contrary to your habits. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. The body is constantly responding to the mind when it is not healthy.

Stress is an admission of weakness, a cry of defeat to the world. You may simply burst into tears, when you are asked any question. Even simple loud noise is enough to create panic. Sad thoughts bring tears, reduce the activity of the stomach and take away appetite.

Pain seems to exist in everything when you are in stress. Our ability to feel pain and react immediately to it is essential for our survival. When pain strikes, you often ask the wrong questions, such as: why me? The right questions are: what can I learn from this? What can I do about it? What can I accomplish in spite of it?

Let your lips close and heart open – Swami Vivekananda

When emotions run wild, it is useful and helpful to be silent and calm to reduce the mental stress. Calmness gives you the required attention and focus to your mind.

Mental stress commonly produces bodily disease. When you are in stress digestion slows down, blood pressure increases, heart beats faster. Anxiety and panic attack ‘symptoms’ such as sweating, hot flashes, nausea(sickness), giddiness or vertigo. Tunnel vision, dry mouth, chest pain are the result of a stressful situation. An acute crisis in the mind can produce instant paralytic stroke. When you face a threat, there is also a rise in the sugar level in the blood.

Unhappy memories, savage beating by a parent or any threat by a sadistic person in the family; has shown, years later, to produce large bruises with bleeding under the skin. The mind and brain can not only change the dimensions of selected capillaries, but also cause bleeding through them, based on the memory of the past injury. The repression of the feelings degenerates to become cancerous.

Mental imaging by patients, having cancer and other chronic ailments have improved their survival by practicing relaxation techniques, change of attitude, and symbolic visualization, reduces stress to recover fast with their physical ailments. Research has shown that mental imaging and mental practice enhances the effectiveness of numerous skills.

The root causes of stress:
S - Suspicion
T – Tension
R – Resentment 
E – Envy
S – Scare
S – Scorn, Sadism


Illness of the body gives you stress; tackle medical problems promptly. Have regular check ups. Follow the doctor’s advice meticulously.

Stress affects the mind, body and behavior in many ways. Mental stress and negative emotions affect the functioning of the internal organs in many ways. 

Hormonal changes: Hormonal changes regulate the functioning of other endocrine glands like thyroid, parathyroid and adrenal glands, ovaries etc. Hormones govern growth, response to stress, the constancy of our bodily temperature and internal fluids. They also govern functions of the brain itself. Endocrine glands influence personality and behavior. Infants with defective thyroid glands, deprived of the hormone thyroxin, produced by it, suffer mental deficiency.

Milder deficiencies of thyroxin even in later life - produce slowing of thought, loss of memory, inability to concentrate, lack of initiative and a general lethargy. The gland produce too of much thyroxin, the person is hyperactive, restless, and tremulous and loses weight. His/Her behavior is often modified drastically by fear. Fear of ridicule or brutal behavior could render him speechless or reduce him to a trembling hesitant and almost incoherent state.

Nourishing and nurturing him/her properly bring immense and immeasurable rewards of confidence, vitality, energy, good health and a positive feeling of well inside-out.

Overwhelming insecurity that stems from an unstable childhood or disruptive family life. Parental behavior can result in mental illness in children.

Parenting is not held responsible, can result in mentally in children. Fear and repression in early childhood leave a person prone to anxiety and depression in later life. Fear leads to isolation which in turn leads to low self-esteem and underachievement. Then in turn, worsen anxiety, depression and fear. Fearful and anxious children been shown to continuously overproduce stress hormones such as cortical and adrenaline and are prone to ulcers in the stomach, raised blood pressure and physical illnesses.

Negative attitude of a person, parents, or spouse do sometimes chasten the process of separation or desertion. Rehabilitation makes the patients aware of the abnormal behavioral changes that need to be corrected with medication and psychotherapy. This will certainly make the patient more complaint to treatment. Bring the patient back to routine and help them functioning independently towards taking decisions by becoming emotionally strong.

Caring parents, excellent nutrition and stimulating environment at home and work are conducive to healthy better life and intelligence.

Distrust, and lack of faith in ones’ own self: Faith is a critical part of health care. Fear of unknown, insecure feeling and suspicion destroys the pleasantness. Negative thoughts develop from suspicion and frustration. Suspicion gives restless mind and makes you miserable. Restless mind want things at that very moment.

Hurrying things makes your mind more restless. Mistakes are always the result of a restless mind and body. Desperation and restlessness removes the presence of the faith. Desperation snatches away the pleasure of waiting. You can see this everywhere.

Anger, bitterness, vengeance and quarrels are useless actions. Peevishness is a feeling of regret or injury in the past. Vindictive speech or actions can humiliate anyone.

Open rebuke is better than secret hatred. – Jose Vegetins
 
Hidden assaults create sad situations. Create lot of suffering and gives a sense of panic. He or she panics when his personal possessions are mislaid or destroyed. This is something to elude and an innocent fall prey to certain secret fears or suspicions. This is totally hidden, insignificant, uncultured and inhuman. Envy, hatred or aversion actions create lot of stress and agony. 

Shun envy. Of all the host of bad qualities, envy is the leader. - Gita
 
Suspicious and secretive actions are really painful, frustrating and also disgusting. Suspicion is a weapon to offend, insult(insulting remarks) to evict people. Secret fears of suspicion create mystery and intangible things. Suspicion gives so much of agony to the naive. Suspicion doesn’t rhyme with serenity but with sadness. 

Strong reasons make strong actions. – Yiddish Proverb
 
Actions speak louder than words. The action of a person may seem offending: ignore the happening. If the action is intentional then ignore the person and deviate. When you have repeated experience then it is guaranteed to wreck your health.

As you nourish memories of people who have hurt you or let you down, of circumstances that have betrayed your expectations, or of unfulfilled dreams, you are only draining energy to something that is, in fact, dead and gone. 

Feeling of guilt or self-doubt may relate to the fact that you have let someone down. You keep on feeling guilty throughout the life for anything and everything happened.

Often, mothers scold their children and afterwards feel so guilty. Because of lack of awareness. Awareness was missing, so the anger came up. When there is awareness, happiness dawns.

Guilt is one of the heaviest emotions that wear you down as you continue to carry it. Guilt feelings make most of your lives miserable. You go on tormenting yourselves and end in serious psychological disorders.

To be wrong is nothing, unless you continue to remember it. It is natural to feel guilt, but carrying it throughout one’s life is unhealthy. May be you are putting too much stress on your forehead to the point of creating worry lines. If you want to be happy with yourself, ask for an apology. A fault confessed is half redressed. It brings about harmony and equanimity with your surroundings and people.

"Confession of errors" is like a broom which sweeps away the dirt and leaves the surface brighter and cleaner. A man who is not afraid to face down his mistake. I feel stronger for confession. - Mahatma Gandhi

The wavering mind, will find hard to make a quick and right decision. If you have any doubt about a particular thing, particular relationship; then bring them into the open and you may see that there is nothing to worry about. Unless you open up no one knows the amount of suffering you have been through. Try to bring hidden things into the open, revealing secrets and uncovering the truth.

Grow in faith, Grow in light, and consciousness. – Sri Aurobindo

Some people are neurotically secretive about everything. They always have fear, afraid of people prying into their things and affairs. But at the same time they never like people to keep secrets from them. This type of paranoid negative imagination makes you feel nervous to be around such people. Accept, everyone needs some privacy and freedom in varying degrees.

To one sharing is happiness and to another hoarding is happiness. – Swami Vivekananda

Money and luxury is only not enough to bring cheer in your life. A person who has lots of money cannot even smile properly. He may be surrounded with so many people, but internally he is aloof. He doesn’t trust people. He doesn’t really know whether the people are there for him or for the money. Have a positive attitude towards others. Be like a child. All the practices you aim at making you like a child. Naive and childlike innocence saves you from any stress and depression. – Ravi Shanker, the Art of Living

Outwardly you lead on appearances, personally crave for true companion ship. As you rise to the top you are unable to distinguish between real friends and false friends. As a result you become more and more lonely and your attitude towards life changes and inclines increasingly towards the negative. You begin to see everything and everyone in a pessimistic light, all the while becoming bitter and unhappy.

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.

Share your life experiences with everybody so that they are useful to the people around you. An intelligent person with positive thinking is open to everyone and not being rigid in his beliefs. A fixed rigid idea about anything stops your growth and limits your possibilities. Keep on changing every moment and you must keep the possibility of change open. Status will get you nowhere, only an open heart will allow you floating equally between everyone. Maturity is achieved when you accept life as full of tensions.

An old saying: Good decisions come from life’s experiences and life’s experiences come from bad decisions.

Doctors say, the skin changes every year, the cells in your body undergo some sort of transformation. Your body is like a river, always flowing, always changing with every passing year; your body is new. Your mind is new. As you are awakened to this truth, you can identify your old fears or yourself. – Art of Living Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Wrong understanding: Wrong understanding is to know the unreal in a form that is not its own. A variation in circumstances of fortune at different times in your life or in the development of something “the project was subject to the usual vicissitudes of exploratory, research”. Vicissitude explains mutability in life or nature. (Especially successive alternation from one condition to another) Most of the time you impose your own ideas, views and feeling on others and you think that is how they are. When you try to interpret what is seen or felt in the light of preconceived notions and reach a false conclusion. Vainly you get angry with your impatience. Develop an equal mind towards all the things and fairness in thinking.

The man who suffers from inferiority complex cannot succeed in any walks of life.

You have an inferiority complex or you suddenly see some one else behaving very arrogantly. They might not be arrogant and you are not being ill-treated by them. But you suddenly feel that you are being ill-treated. You are not respected because you do not respect yourself; you think that others do not respect you. This tendency of your mind is mutability in nature. Like wise you feel that you are not being loved. Learn to respect yourself. Art of Living, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

You often hear what you desire to listen to instead of what is actually said to you. Negative imagination really intoxicates the mind and makes the person believe things that aren’t true, and act on those things in an extroverted way, like schizophrenia, it is a spectrum. You will be keeping on seeing double meanings in everything. Everything, anyone said, you could hear something else, what they were really saying or thinking. It is reclusive, living in a cabin in the wilderness.

If you know what hurts yourself, you know what hurts others. – German Proverb

To cover-up their inferiority complex, some people make themselves appear superior by giving needless suggestions. Superiority is generally interpreted as a defense against deeper feelings of inferiority. All this is done with the view that 'offense is the best form of defense' and hurts you emotionally. They elude any sort of analysis and will take all the fun out of everything. They also make comments that are uncomfortable to others present. Repeated hurt causes stress. Learn to express yourself when there is hurt or disrespect; reduces stress.

Sometimes you may not recover quickly from a broken heart, even though if you try very hard. You will sink into severe mental and emotional anguish, leading to despair, is a very real danger. You will look to a warm and steady hand to hold for emotional stability, while you’re soaring. You must literally, exist to an atmosphere of hope and happiness or your spirit will die. Your health will be severely effected on all levels.

Gossiping: The speed of several communications like telephones, mobile phones, and internet has negative impact also, creating so many noisy problems among people. Too many interactions makes life disturbed and noisy. Coming together is a beginning and keeping together is a progress. Sobriety is most important for good everlasting relationship. The demand to be loved is the greatest of all arrogant presumptions.

Ego is concerned only with your sense of individual identity. You expect unconditional love from everyone around you. Well, others also expect the same. People with unstable mind cannot keep their balance without arrogance and rudeness.

Some people for emotional survival and personal security entertain themselves with mental games. Mental games create distraction and disparities among people. People forget to trust one another with guessing games. Worthless gossip(often saying bad things about someone) has now become a matter of habit. A little wind kindles, much puts out the fire. A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on.

Rumors go in one ear and out many mouths. – Chinese proverb

Rumor is the most fastest spreading word, ignore it. Destructive mental attitude gives misery, and makes everybody’s life miserable.

A positive personality attracts, a negative personality repels. - Brewer

What can you do with the negative person? One who over hears, gossips, abuses, carries tales, sets one person against another, neglects his own work, and feels an intense jealousy, is impossible. Shortcut to ruin is jealousy. Jealously makes life mean and perverse. The best course for such personalities is to avoid them. – Art of Living, Sri Sri Ravi Shanker

Issues will be there. People will come and go. You will be discouraged. The world will be vindictive. You will be judged, be-little and laughed at. People will engage in ridiculous loose talks, passing sarcastic comments. Some do not even notice that their speech and activity is going to pain others. Everyone turns into foes. You may feel slightly resentful, at the apparent ease with which other people able to exploit you, giving you uncomfortable feeling of rejection. It is fine to be naive; but not if you allow yourself to be exploited. Never listen to anyone and just follow your inner voice.

Never be put off by rejection. Embrace rejection; it must be used as a positive force, energy and strength. – Amitabh Bhachan

Nothing happens to you which you do not invite. Laugh at negative people that your distress and pain have given them some entertainment, to forget their own vices and miseries for sometime.

It is better to have a bad name and live a good life, than to have a good name and live a bad life. Good life is one guided by knowledge and inspired by love. - Bertrand Russell

Worrying gives you lot of mental stress. Your discriminating mind gets clouded when you are in stress; you do not know what is what. If you have a problem, look for a solution without worrying.

Being at one with you is the core of a healthy life. Learning to listen can be hard, especially if you come from a family who doesn’t respect each other. But you can learn from others, accepting some criticism and remain watchful. Learn new ways to act and react, and learn to listen is a good place to start. There is no end of expectations: unhealthy comparison and competition became normal now a days.

Competition brings out the best in products(results) and the worst in people. Competition would only create more controversy.

Make pleasant and surprised change; take the opportunity to learn from others. Take a leaf out of someone else’s book as far as emotional issues are concerned. You cannot prove your efficiency, capabilities, and success in every aspect of life.

Needlessly struggling to prove complete in every role you play, gives you pressure, tension and that creates stress. Comparisons bring nothing but upsets. Unhealthy comparison with others removes your pleasant feeling. Your self-sufficiency and satisfaction makes all difference; make priorities to reduce stress. Enjoy your life seeing others talents, elevation and success.

When everybody becomes a painter world looks very ugly.

Some people who are tied with work and social obligations usually cannot have enough time for their personal life. People feel stressed when meeting with high demands of work and challenging work life styles. Most of the time is spent in meeting social commitments, getting very little time for personal relationships. People get tired and become restless to adjust in stressful situations. Recreation gives some relaxation to their mind.

Just be yourself: Just be yourself so that you are not burdened with tension and anxiety. If every action and decision of yours, depends on what other people think; you’re no more in control of your emotions. In fact others control it. This is certainly not a healthy way to live life. You will never be happy if you do things only depending on others response. While you go on satisfying others, you will become unsatisfied. Please all and you will please none. Forcefully adjusting to anything and anybody gives you stress.

When you are accustomed to disguise yourself to others in the end you become disguised to yourself. The majority of you are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Hides reality, pretends, poses, always giving the impression of being well, perfect, easy-going etc. Your health is bound to be affected. If you grovel before what you dislike, that brings you nothing but misfortune.

You want to do something, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, you know it shouldn't. Be what you are, do what you think and say what you feel. Be what you are, is the first step toward becoming better than you are.

Just be true to yourself, and everything will fall into place.

Assertiveness is not only a good character trait, but it is a basic human right. Saying 'No' frees you from making insincere commitments and it ensures you commit only to things' you can put your heart into. In fact, it may be the most beneficial thing that you can do for yourself and your other commitments. Saying 'No' is not a selfish act. 'No' is a small word with a big consequence. It gives you emotional freedom.

An assertive attitude can save you from many a confrontation. Do not be over assertive also.

Stigma: Stigma is paranoid personality disorder that develops negative belief systems. Ignorance and fear leads to prejudice that in turn generates stigma which leads to discriminatory behavior against the affected person. People with mental disorders include behavioral personality disorders, depression, substance abuse and major illness like schizophrenia and other forms of psychosis.

Families of people living with mental illness experience stigma and discrimination at various levels of social interaction-marked by reduced or restricted interaction with extended family, friends and increased incidence of eviction by own people.

Mental illness is also a health problem. Individuals with mental illness are more vulnerable to social rejection, under employed or unemployed, income loss, status loss, separation. People tease and poke fun at them, and it is painful to these individuals. No body thinks about inhuman and unkind actions.

A man who has his head on his shoulders never gives trouble to his neighbors. A good citizen never intrudes upon the rights of his neighbors. We must always try to get on with our neighbor peacefully.

Stigma is a matter of perception. Reducing stigma and discrimination is everybody’s responsibility. There is a life of quality and hope after mental illness. Contemplate future with optimism and patience, even if someone close is behaving strangely. Even silent moral support makes lot of difference.

Schizophrenia: Wilson's disease is caused due to excess copper metabolism in the body. This may lead to mental problems(derangement of the mind) like schizophrenia and physical disability. In schizophrenia, internal imagery gains dominance over the real world and person is unable to distinguish one from the other. Schizophrenia persons can be enabled to return to a world of life, with warmth and color. Kindness heals all ills.

Alzheimer's disease:
Alzheimer's disease superficially similar to senility strikes relatively, above the age of 60's. Insufficient supply of sugar glucose to brain may trigger Alzheimer's disease. People hear loud voices, dramatic emotional scenes, forceful to live in the midst of clutter and confusion tears tranquility. Adults with hobbies that exercise their brains were less likely to have Alzheimer's disease.

Mental health issues only visible when someone is in a crisis. The majority of the public is unaware of how many people with mental health issues they know and come cross every day. A man/woman who is truly religious and spiritual are less likely to develop a neurosis.
H – Humanity E – Esteem A – Affection L – Liberal listening I – Immunity N – Naive G - Gentle
Some relaxation techniques to reduce your stress: Be calm; beat stress. And be at it to beat depression.
Relaxation and meditation to silence the mind. Relaxation means falling into a state of inaction not doing anything. Do not under estimate the value of ‘Doing Nothing’. Rest is not idleness; sit on the grass in the early morning, vision your eyes on greenery, watching different birds’ and listening to wonderful musical sounds they create. The joyfulness of a man prolongs his life.
In all your life, the most wasted days are those in which one hasn't laughed.
Love yourself, you feel wonderful and joyful. Spend maximum time with children; you can enjoy their innocence, and loving minds. Your heart starts to feel so happy and peaceful. Fill your life with vitality and smile when stress develops; and feel more active, outgoing and sociable to reduce your stress.
Active life and frugal diet hold the key to peaceful and healthy long life.
Studies demonstrate that life style changes increase your life span. Low-calorie healthy diets, high intake of vegetables, rainbow diet of fruits, seem to explain protection from diseases and stress. Weight reduction, sodium and saturated fat restriction, smoking cessation can lead to healthier lives later on.
He that lats till he is sick, must fast till he is well. - Thomas Fuller
The Bhagavad-Gita has even advocated a regimen of a balanced diet, and is against too much of fasting or too much of eating. It is against long hours of sleep and too much of wakefulness. Strength your inner-self with yoga, meditation, stillness, developing good reading habits, listening to music, good sleep, humor, laughter, and vegetation; mainly by being at peace with yourself; relish health to living better.
The secret of detachment frees your mind from tensions and stress.
Waterfall

BLESS YOUR CHILDREN

Bless your children to grow like a ‘Vatavriksha’ - huge banyan tree, sheltering thousands from the scorching misery of the world. – Swami Vivekananda

Happy families value tradition and conventional wisdom. Children are always joy of the entire family.

Mother is held in great esteem in the universe. There is no price in the world for the agony, sacrifice and suffering a mother undergoes for her children. The role of a true mother is to lift her children sky-high and not to bother about herself. Motherhood is holy and sacred.

Even the father of a great saint can fall at the feet of his son to get his blessings. It is accepted. But a Mother should never fall at the feet of her son even if he is holy as God. Mother is considered to be greater, whatever the position her son reaches.

A woman plays a huge role in the making of her next generation. The way she creates extra ordinary individuals out of her children, will have a huge bearing on the nation’s progress itself. A woman takes every effort to ensure personal growth of her children, with a positive attitude towards life.

Great efforts and good deeds will help your children in so many ways. Wealth and property alone will not protect your children. Parents, in their own ways can script the destiny of their children. Give a character vision to live unto.

The secret of happy family includes flexibility rooted in love and understanding. Families can remain strong if they acknowledge differences among all family members and try to accommodate them. With Progressive thinking, emphasizing feelings rather than behavior; the parents must allow the kids to express themselves openly and loudly, offer them an equal voice in family decisions. Freedom and love plays an important role in molding your children into good citizens.

Strong families know they can’t anticipate all the twists in the road. Many parents are fearful that their slightest misstep will damage their kids irreparably. Not so with parents in strong families. They know they aren’t perfect, and they’re not afraid to admit it.

“I am sorry, I got angry”, goes a long way towards preserving family unity. Happy families argue. They don’t bring up the past. And they have a method of straightening out relationships, when things have gone sour.

Each family member has the right to erupt like volcano when he/she has a grievance. They can spout hot lava for five minutes, describing whatever has made them angry; but not personally attacking another family member. Others are obliged to listen and then get their chance to respond. By that time, the steam has usually gone out of the volcano as well as the listeners.

Siblings and associations
  • The existence of a child depends solely on his parents and he is forced to share this basic area of security with his siblings. Where there are families, there are siblings and the next follow automatically the rivalry.
  • Having siblings have many positive points. Siblings are an important aid to socialization. In a family with siblings each child learns the scope of their role based on gender and age difference between them.
  • Exposure to winning and losing, quarreling and making up are valuable learning experiences only siblings can give each other.
  • Sibling rivalry isn’t uncommon. A little quarreling is a part; when parents struggle to take sides, there is always an unsatisfied soul. The number of loving siblings surely exceeds the rivals; but the latter catches attention. Birth order is a common cause and seems to affect the younger or the older sibling.
  • When it gets difficult to handle the rivalry, talk it out with a confident without resorting to things such as hurting yourself or your children. To forget any hurt, to forgive a mistake, forward a sorry.
  • Don’t dismiss early signs of resentment, by simply demanding your children to love each other. Without getting too much involved in fights, help them to understand how to balance between rational and emotional behavior.
  • Constant comparison with the performance of one child with another brings adverse effects.
  • A child who’s been irreparably hurt by his siblings or parents may not hang around home forever, but he/she will bear the scars for a life time.
  • Let’s not forget that siblings are supposed to have fun; fun unites each other.
Bringing up your Children
  • Children are so lovely always brings loveliness and beauty, an suspected talent for imagination, delights of a young mind.
  • Always tell your children, “I am with you” and give them the feeling of warmth. Hug them, show your affection verbally. Emotional security makes your children feel confident and protected throughout the life.
  • Allow your kids to make choices; give them freedom to pick their clothes, friends and TV shows.
  • Allow your children to speak. Never try to stop while they are telling something. It is very important to give them a chance to speak, and avoid the tendency to shout at your child down. Later, you might even decide that they’re right. An equal balance of talking and listening will help to strengthen your relationship with your children.
  • Communicate, with friendly open manner. Respect the freedom of expression, thought, likes and dislikes. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts.
  • Listen to them with tenderness and genuine interest, to all the dispairs and gently guide it into refreshing dreams of thought.
  • If you really love your children, tell them not to do anything wrong. They will rarely misbehave.
  • Make a note not to remind their past mistakes. Allow your children to correct any mistakes by themselves.
  • Focus on sharing emotionally, reflecting on past issues with the view to create a bright future. Inspire your children to take up issues for the betterment of self and society.
  • You may house their bodies but not their souls; for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow; which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. Let them have their own dreams.
  • Children should never be treated cruelly or harshly in the process of being educated. The whole essence of discipline is wrapped inside a small truth is LOVE.
  • Allow your child get an opportunity to mix with like minded people, with their wave length to share their feelings and improve their personality and confidence.
  • Reading is an important habit that a child should cultivate at a very young age. Regular reading habit anything of his choice helps and improves his knowledge and gains confidence and becomes very enthusiastic. There should be enthusiasm, but at the same time, there should be patience.
  • The right piece of knowledge given at the right time makes all the difference to your children. Knowledge imparted to the earnest student is the Kalpak Creeper in the world.
  • Tell your children that real challenge is not to manage time, but to manage themselves. Tell stories contain challenging incidents, struggles and triumphs mostly your real life events without hiding anything. The ending must be very positive and make them feel that it helps in facing situations in life very well. Never boast, never pretend, and never say anything that isn’t true.
  • Tell your children, there is no substitute for hard work. Nothing comes easily in life and it depends on what you want to achieve and how much you are prepared to stretch yourselves to achieve your goal.
  • Tell them not to become overconfident. When children become overconfident; slows down.
  • When your grown-up children are away from you and home for higher education or work, close communication is very important. Offer a helping hand and cheery word to your loved ones from a distance.
An adolescent must, at one point, stay away from his parents for a reasonable duration for his higher studies. It really pays. When the adolescent stays away, it actually makes him a tougher man and exposes him to the unexpected events of the world. Staying in a hostel is an experience of its own, especially if he is the single child in the family. The sense of sharing gets inculcated only outside home and it is understandable that it will be tough initially but it helps in the overall development of the child.

More importantly, staying away actually brings about closeness between the parents and the adolescent. If an adolescent thinks that by staying away from home, his responsibilities cease to exist, he is wrong. In fact, children begin to feel responsibilities only then. It is fun to handle all sorts of problems that crop up. Grasp higher education, even if it is away from home. It is really cool as it gives him the confidence to take the world head on.

Children are so 'adult' in every-way as elders. Your children grow out of you and you too can grow out of them.

Worth to Earn: Education, Economy, Strength, Fame, and Merit.

A child should be taught restraint from the moment of his/her birth. You don't allow children to do anything they like when they are babies, because they will develop habits of self-indulgence which later on, are very difficult to overcome. - Mahatma Gandhi

Education is power and power should be a source of service.


The very essence of Real education - by which character is formed, strength of mind is increased, the intellect is expanded, which enables your children to stand on their own feet- is to be kept in mind while pursuing studies.

Fish for a person, you feed him a meal; teach him how to fish, and you feed him for a life time.

F = Faith
A = Ability
T = Title
H = Honor
E = Experience
R = Respect

A Father will guide his children in every step with optimism and reality.

A Father knows like a gardener, that the smaller plants cannot grow under the shade of a big tree. Like a gardener, he will plant a seed, nurture it with care, and waters it regularly. Blissfully watches each leaf and bud unfurl, and nurtures hope in his heart. Sprays drops of kindness, sprinkle love and guard it carefully from all evil influences till it blooms as a smile on his face; a confident expression that reflects his grit to face challenges.

The main factors are the circumstances in which your children have been brought up. If they have been brought up in aggression, abuse, and misery continuously and especially in their childhood, chances are more likely to become a pessimist. On the other hand, if they have been brought up in a loving and secure atmosphere, your children will probably have a much more optimistic outlook towards life.

Some parents are more possessive and demanding, more inclined to try to mold into shapes that please them. Many times parents insist on respect and obedience, and afraid at heart that their children may slip from their fingers.

Obedience to a person doesn’t mean subjugated. Independence doesn’t mean arbitrary way of living.

Some children are over sensitive, some insecure, some are entirely independent. Parents should understand the nature of their children; and guide them to make use of freedom in a right way as they grow into responsible and independent adults.

Parents should understand that there are limits to the child's elastity - stretch him too far and he could snap.

Parents should not be strict; they should only be firm. Be firm when needed, but also give them freedom wherever you can. Make them to learn, and use the freedom given judiciously, to grow up into good citizens of tomorrow. You will gain love and affection in the long run.

Too much restriction will have an adverse impact on children. The quickest way to end a relationship is to restrict someone else. No one likes feeling imprisoned and lure of freedom will become very strong. When your children become detached; you will only have yourself to blame.

One needs more freedom for the flowering of one’s personality. Excessive parental control or unwanted control from others in discharge of duties is oppressive. A person subjected to excessive control from parents feels tension because he needs more freedom.

Right of thought and action never indicates suppression or repressive control. It represents a balance between freedom and restrictions.

We should see what a child can do, instead of forcing a child to do what we can see. - Jagat S.Bright


Money or luxury is not enough to bring cheer in life. You can’t substitute things for love and affection. Money is not a substitute for tenderness.

Some children may be slow to learn and grasp anything, and to show their capabilities. Fear and repression in early childhood leaves a person prone to anxiety and depression. Fear leads to isolation. Isolation leads to low self-esteem, and under achievement could render them hesitant and speechless. Have patience and tolerance with your children in every step. Accept how they are and never compare with others. Tell that education for career and money is no longer the only criteria to a life. Initially try to help them to lift their self-image, and then give support to improve slowly, in their academics.

Any dent in a vessel can be repaired; but a dent in the self-image of a child especially if punished in the presence of others, is hardest to repair.

Even if the situation warrants punishment, at the end of the punishment, an appreciative comment of at least one good quality of the child, a gentle pat on the shoulders, an understanding and empathetic smile would save the child’s self-image and hence brings life in his face.

Do not measure the capabilities of the precious little ones only by the academics marks. The other measurements are also equally significant like contributions of the child in the play ground, on the stage, on the paintings or in any art. Other activities also help to improve concentration of the mind. Creativity of anything comes by birth.

Children have no inhibitions. Let us not throttle their creative imagination with an overdose of boring facts and figures.

Tell him that virtues like honesty, empathy and friendliness, capability to work in a team and communicative skills are as important to lead a successful life as the academic marks.

If a child self-image is intact and if he thought so much about what others think about him, he will not able to cope with any situation. Since he will take it light and laugh only with a supporting loved one. The happy child doesn’t need deep attention.

Failure is only an event and if your child just gets his direction of intelligence, sky is the only limit for what he can achieve in life.

Falls and failures are essential in life even as is the success and rise. One must not give into depression because of failures. Each failure is a trial which presents an invitation for betterment; it presents a lesson to improve your children.

Face any challenge with courage and patience; Patience in enjoying the journey. It’s not climbing the mountain to get to the top; it’s climbing the mountain to enjoy the climb. Enjoy the process of your own life. - John Roger

Everyone is blessed and will be guided to become achievers at some level. Fill your heart with love and gratitude for having a blissful life. Your success in living a worthwhile life will make your creator happy.

Goddess SaraswathiKnowledge and Enlightenment

THE POWER OF PRAYER

Spiritual practices like prayer, meditation and chanting of holy names help us experience the reality of God's love for us. Prayer to God makes you lead a happy and peaceful life. Strong belief, faith in God is spirituality.

When a person is unhappy, his mental stress lowers the immunity and enhances the blood sugar, raises the heart beat and blood pressure. This can make one more susceptible to infections and ailments that can bring in a sense of fear and depression. Prayer can reverse these effects; and gives the individual, the mental strength to overcome difficulties in life.

Prayer is not idle amusement. Properly understood and applied, it is the most potent instrument of action.

Prayer evokes a relaxation that reduces stress, calms the body and promotes healing. The role of prayer in healing the mind and body is still an evolving discipline. People who pray regularly are less likely to fall ill or if ailing, it can speed up the recovery. Prayer can diminish the negative factors like depression; and make the individual feel better.

Distressing thoughts are prone to go round and round. This is called loop thinking. It would be difficult to get out of the loop once one is in. And without getting out of it one cannot make any rational assessment of the problem causing the distress. According to experts prayer can reduce chaotic thinking.

Prayer is just like meditation. When the mind starts resting and calms down, the body feels better, with slower heart beats and lower blood pressure.

The researchers have found that prayer distracts the mind from the muddle. Prayer could be a sure cure for any domestic disagreements.

According to Dr.Herbert Benson, cardiologist, Harvard, prayer or meditation decreases metabolism, heart-beat, and rate of breathing, blood pressure and the slowing down of the brain waves, bringing in an enhanced feeling of control, peace and tranquility. Dr.Rajeh Parikh, Honorary Neuron psychiatrist of Jason hospital, Mumbai, concurs totally with the findings of Dr. Benson.

The Power of Prayer is awesome.

1. Prayer promises relief, when we are anxious.
2. Prayer gives mental strength, connects us with higher power, when we feel isolated and full of fear.
3. Prayer helps us take action, when we feel compelled to change the circumstances of our lives.
4. Prayer becomes a wonderful resource to draw on when living through our painful moments.
5. Prayer gives us the willingness to accept God’s solution for every problem that plagues us.

Prayer and meditation makes one perfect. There are several examples of people who have said that they got relief from their physical ailments and mental stress after practicing Pranayama and several other meditation techniques.

Pranayama is the best way to calm down. A calm mind makes a calm body and that makes a calm face. You’ll definitely look a lot better if you simply breathe deep and meditate.

Strengthen your religious beliefs through prayers. This helps to reduce stress, cope with the problems, to enjoy better health, and live longer.

PRACTICE TO CONTROL MIND AND SENSES

His Holiness Sri Chandrasekhar Saraswati Swami, Kanchi, stresses on ordinary virtues which are applicable to all human beings: Control of Senses, Ahimsa, Greed, Ego and Arrogance.

Desire is the cause of all troubles of Human beings. Desire will not get permanently suppressed; continuous efforts should be made to control it. Through the discipline of sense and mind control, you will behold the deity that resides in your heart.

Humans are privileged to have desires. Having desires is not wrong, but these have to be fulfilled conforming to the order of Dharma.

Charity with sweet words,
Knowledge with humanity,
Courage with patience,
Wealth with renunciation

These four auspicious things destroys dark ignorance, and hard to attain. – Sri Chandrasekhar Saraswati Swami

Control of mind and senses generates tremendous energy; a tender firmness, a soft intensity and patience. The senses they say are great, greater than the senses is mind, greater than the mind is the intellect, but greater than the intellect is the 'Self". Realizing thus the self by the control of senses & the purification of the intellect annihilate this 'formidable foe' "Desire". - Bhagavad-Gita

Control of Senses:
Each individual is an integrated package of strengths and weaknesses. There is no human desire stronger than the wish to live. This is true in the case of ordinary human beings. To make your life happy and smooth, following some basic virtues will help you in adapting, adjusting, retaining and growing.

Personal hygiene and cleanliness establishes, “the mind clear and harmonious, one-pointed, control of senses, the knowledge that comes to you by purity and ability to realize one-self ”.

A disciplined life is based on self-control, a few wants and a middle path. The words, restriction and contractions cannot suggest anything bad in nature.

People having balanced nature, never go to extremes. They avoid the path of extremism. A person living only for the satisfaction of the senses, lives in vain. One, who is not interested in self-improvement, gives himself to low thoughts of enjoyment of the pleasures of life.

The senses say, “myself first”,
Ethics say, “I must hold myself last “.

One, who cannot control his mind lives always with the greatest enemy mind, leads miserable life. The senses and the mind require engagements. One, who controls his mind and senses, is dear to everyone and everyone is dear to him. A man of controlled senses cannot be offensive to anyone.

If one enters a mountain-cave full of darkness, he cannot say how long the darkness has been there. You cannot imagine that changing oneself is an easy process. It never happens overnight. Evolution is a slow and steady process. You need to have resilience, patience and the right attitude to become a better person.

"If the mind is not under control, it is no use living in a cave because the same mind will bring all disturbances there. If the mind is under control, we can have the cave any where, wherever we are to attain purity of living. Live in the midst of the battle of life. Anyone can keep calm in a cave or when asleep. Stand in the whirl and madness of action and reach the center and you cannot be moved." - Swami Vivekananda

Material desires, when unsatisfied, generate anger, and thus the mind and body becomes agitated. In material existence one is subjected to the influence of the mind and the senses. One, who is entangled in profit calculation and sense gratification, cannot have peace. Try strenuously to control desire and anger. Practice makes these difficulties seem less. A man should get free from desires and feelings of possessiveness.

Ahimsa: Ahimsa paramo Dharma. Not hurting others by our limbs alone is not Ahimsa. We must not speak such words as will hurt the feelings of others. We must not even think ill of others. The main fruit of practicing Ahimsa is controlling the mind. There is a secondary side benefit also. If one does not do harm to others by his body, mind or tongue; those near him with the idea of doing harm to him, will forget that idea and become non-violent. - Kanchi Swami

The practice of Ahimsa has to be carried out in thought, word and deed. Ahimsa bears the essence of all religions. Ahimsa means not to limit others progress or not checking progressive life of any living entity.


A man with disciplined life cannot be quarrelsome, aggressive or violent. The qualities of humanism will not make a person aggressive and ill-behaved. A man with self-control and discipline stands for freedom from anger through self-learning.

Speak soft and pleasant expressions to please others.

A man who is adamant, arrogant, selfish will not care about peace and harmony of others. Give up wrong aggression on others. Temper takes you to trouble, and pride keeps you there.

It is good to think well; it is divine to act well. – Horace Mann


Think before you act; and think also after you act. Never be impulsive in saying something which you cannot take back. Especially when in anger, it is always better to wait for a day, to let the feelings pass. The golden rule is, “to think before you leap”.

Tension is an indication of the fact that the person has more duties than rights and is too much engrossed in worldly affairs. Such a person can not make proper use of words and the want of right words creates friction with other people. Introspection becomes totally absent. He should learn yoga or meditation and make his mind free from excessive noise of words; learn the art of using soft spoken language or economy of words. It has generally been found that those who suffer depression indulge in loose talk. Thus tension is caused by the violation of words.

One who is not self controlled and whose mind is disturbed cannot practice meditation. When he is disturbed by various anxieties, the best means is chanting the holy name of God. He will be saved by unknown spirit, even in defenseless circumstances.

When one is accomplished in the practice of meditation, he ceases all disturbing mental activities.

A person, who knows the value of right language and economy of words, can communicate well. The quality of words, expression, appropriate language or economy of words is essential for peaceful life. The words to please and delight….

Any form of communication is effective only when there is transference of feelings and not mere transference of words; which happens only when you speak to express yourself.

The other name of Love is humility. Humility will always remind us the virtue of humbleness. By humility, we mean sharing some of your own human weaknesses and mistakes. We all have weaknesses and when you come up in front of others and show that you are not afraid to admit yours, you create an intimate climate where others can acknowledge their personal short comings as well. Being humble in front of others makes you more credible, more believable and paradoxically more respected. People can connect with you more easily.

Humility is not a sign of weakness. Only people with the most balanced and mature minds are capable of this. Humility does not mean you think less OF yourself. It only means you think less ABOUT yourself. You never know whom you would meet again and again in the journey of life. Always respect the individuals whom you meet, irrespective of age or seniority. You have something to learn from everyone. Give due respect to everyone who comes to you and never try to humiliate them.

A person who feels good about himself can find good in others. Make changes to become positive and friendly. When you start respecting the self-image of the people around you, you will be able to gain their respect. Even if you carry good intentions to correct others, only by carrying respect in your words; they will look up to you and accept your messages in their life. Cultivate friendship which will conquer all hearts.

Voice of love says, “God understands your intentions, but man understands only your actions. When your intentions as well as your actions are good you win both the worlds.”

Speaking truth means the union of speech with the mind. Speaking the truth saves a great deal of trouble in your life. Truth is relative; everyone could be right, each in their own way. Having one thing in the mind and speaking something different is untruth. That will do well to people combined with kindness of truth. As such truth constitutes kind utterances combined with the peaceful nature of the mind. If one gets accustomed to speaking truth, whatever he says will become truth. – Kanchi Swami

A man who treats falsehood as truth can never invoke the Spirit. If he ever does it, it will lead to no result. One can cheat anyone, not himself. Self-deception leads to incompetence. Only incompetent people try to behave like brave men. One who betrays someone cannot be true to anyone else. If one hopes to reach the Spirit through falsehood, he is one who tries to touch the sky by outstretched hands.

"Speak the truth", and let a man overcome anger by love; let him overcome the liar by truth. - Gautama Buddha


This world is conquered by the person who has truthfulness and patience. Fearing nothing you could live the truth. One who speaks the truth, is kindly and humble, controls the community of people.

Greed: Ever know that wealth is the root cause of all evil; in truth there is not the least trace of happiness in it. To the rich there is fear even from their sons; this is common everywhere. – Adi Sankaracharya

The destroyer of all good qualities is greed. When you are greedy you make somebody else do the action. You model people and often control their behavior or actions. You may treat other people’s minds as machines intended for your use.

Habitually manipulating people delight in carrying out secret plots and subversion with hidden behavior. Driving a person to foolish behavior is not accomplishment, it is shameful manipulation.

Knowledge leads to unity, Ignorance to diversity. – Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa

Ignorance is thinking that which is changing. You try to control others’ mind. Ignorance is a weapon of offense. Acceptance sees people how they are and not as you want them to be; including their ability to see you as you are.

A person habitually tells you, provoked by his greed that there is greed in you. You are not aware of it, or you are unwilling to concede it. That is the positive value of a negative person. The moment you recognize it and exhibit a willingness to give up the bad trait, that person disappears. To give up selfishness, jealousy, anger, envy and resentful thoughts, exhibit a willingness to accept, who accuse you having these vices. Ignorance doesn’t transform into knowledge as long as you avoid it or avoid the person in your life that represents ignorance. Avoidance is austerity; Acceptance is prosperity. - Ravi Shanker Art of living

The confession of ignorance is the beginning of wisdom. – J. F. Kennedy


Craving for others’ love and affection, showing too much interest about their activities will lead to less concentration on your own happiness. You want to know the mind of the other person in and out.

Some people with uncontrolled mind enjoy divide and rule; creates fission with insecure feelings. To sadists and masochists, pain is pleasure. Intensely craving for power and authority that men are in constant turmoil and they blame others for their failures.

A greedy person is obsessed with anger, causing pain and suffering to others. Destructive mental attitude gives misery to others and makes you miserable.

People need identity and significance. Everyone struggles to look significant in their own ways, all stem from need of identity. If they don’t find the right ways to feel significant the sheer desperation to fulfill this need makes people to choose even wrong ways to feel significant.

Some people become unique even by developing extreme problems that set them apart from others. In fact, some people develop the subconscious ability to make them ill in order to gain the caring attention of others. From dressing in unique ways to carrying a certain style; all stem from this need. You can never be at peace with yourself; if you want everyone to pay attention. Obviously, when your trumpet is too loud, others will begin to withdraw from you and begin to lose out your relationships. Obsession is in-completion of any senses creates attachment of the object and possessions, rigid control on everything; yearn for power, and captivating nature. Greedy to over protect things and loved ones shows stifling to them.

Shun the place where one abounding by wicked and suspicious people and ruled by a greedy man. - Swami Vivekananda

A person, who knows the value of right action and right discrimination, doesn’t indulge in useless activities.

Lack of intensity, the heart is free from greed and acts free from longing without any sense of egotism attains of peace.

Ego and Arrogance: Ego is your secret enemy. You can manage an open enemy; but it is difficult to manage the hidden, unknown enemy. The faceless enemy ego blocks your progress down considerably. Arrogance stems from an inner doubt of your abilities. An arrogant mentality does not allow you to see and recognize goodness in others. At times you may not treat others as human beings or fellow individuals with due respect.

Ego prevents you from adjusting and accommodating with others. This leads most of the people to ruin anything in their life. Arrogance is thinking that the self or the intellect and the instruments of perception are the same. Meeting some people make a point, and keep sticking to it and argue about it senselessly.

Ego does not have the ability to see the self, the intellect and the instruments of perception as separate. Humility and humbleness are the quite essence of modest behavior; praise the good qualities if they are found even with the enemy. Neglect the vices if they are found with the preceptor. Do not emulate them.

Vain pride will eliminate the results, which will elude the seeker.


Every moment of your life, every ray of your mind and every faculty of your being have to be resolutely directed towards the task of freeing yourself from the coils of the narrow egoistic personality.

Control of Senses - S
Control of Anger – A

Control of Greed – G

Control of Ego – E

Sage like qualities evolves to become gentle and wise. Real evolution does not mean physical development but development of consciousness. Evaluate every aspect of your life.

When your senses controlled, you will not get too much attached to anything in life. If anyone follows (even some) of these principles with great determination; the God will surely help, for God helps those who help themselves. Control of mind and senses brings divinity; opens to everything in life; gives something more pure and good heart.

People who swear by pure ‘Reason’ claim to be agnostic but have a high sense of social obligation and personal ethics. The truth is, achieving a spirit in life, “Live and Let Live”, combining a firm approach with abundant consideration for others feelings.


Dasavatharam - The ten evolutionary incarnations of Vishnu Evolution, Change and Development

MAKE PEACE WITH LIVING

Health and happiness is a good fortune and the greatest wealth. Happiness makes life peaceful, cheerful, meaningful and wonderful. Happiness is a feeling of the mind. Happiness comes through self-realization. Just cultivate the habit of being happy.

Contentment is the first sign of happiness and prosperity.

1. The sign of prosperity is a smile.
2. The sign of prosperity is freedom.
3. The sign of prosperity is willing to share with the people around you, without fear.
4. The sign of prosperity is ‘trust your-self’ and ‘self-confidence’.

Riches are not from abundance of worldly goods, but from a contended mind.

You are the source of your own happiness. Nobody else can make you happy other than yourself. Love your life and people around you; the more you care for the happiness of others, the greater your own sense of well being. Love is the healing stream of life. Love makes life beautiful. Love beautifies the giver and elevates the receiver. If you can bring a little joy and peace even for a day into the heart of a person, then that is true eternal love. The less you open your heart to others the more your heart suffers. Let your heart open; offer a smile or a kind word and live in the hearts of everyone.

Without love, we are birds with broken wings. – Swami Vivekananda

Togetherness increases happiness in all aspects of life. Friendly attitude can change the vision. The moment that we share a timely word, shows: “I care for you “. Don’t turn your back on friends who are down and out. Make yourself available all the time.

F = Few
R = Relations
I = In
E = Earth
N = Never
D = Die

Your own thoughts make things beautiful or ugly. Beautify your life by creating something that interests you. The happy person has the gift to improve the environment wherever he lives. Accommodate yourself, untroubled to resolve and experience peace and happiness by yourselves.

Patience, tolerance and laughter are necessary ingredients for a happy day and happy life. Life is too precious to be taken too seriously. Laugh at life and its twists and turns. Detached approach to certain things helps you in so many ways. Have care but not attachment.

Your state of mind is up to you; make up your mind to keep yourself happy. If you really want to be blessed with peace: do your own thing and get on with your life.

All human troubles stem from an over-emphasis on the emotions and an exaggeration of personal feeling. The root causes of unhappiness are desire for power and authority over others and materialistic gains etc. Extremity and intensity of anything leads to miserable lives.

Running after every want, need and whim sends happiness speeding away from you. Do not try to command and rule everyone. Learn to obey; the command will come by itself. - Swami Vivekananda

An individual with uncontrolled mind cannot attain divine behavior. Uncontrolled emotion coupled with a faint heart would only lead to destruction and weakens Positive Qualities. Cultivate a moderate and balanced behavior; a change of attitude can make everything better as far as emotional issues are concerned. You know that the words you speak have the power to make or break. You need to watch your words. Avoid making hasty and unfair judgment offending others emotionally.

Do not make an attempt to criticize or magnify defects and faults in others. It is very easy to point out the defects, search for something wrong, all being more or less imperfect, but he is the real benefactor of humanity, indirectly who helps an individual to overcome his imperfections under whatever circumstances he may live. – Swami Vivekananda

A person with unhealthy mind and imagination assaults with hurting words of insult leading to humiliation, which is almost unavoidable. Where there is a subject of unprovoked attack from somebody, learn better to turn the other cheek than respond in kind. It would be wiser to keep distance from situations which become controversial. To reduce miseries know when to back off, how far to retreat. To rob your peace and happiness some people contemplate with word games to make fun. There is much food for thought in contemplating word games. Friction often helps for some to get their way. They keep themselves comfortable and make silly rumors to put you in a bad light. This is over bearing to you. Have less interaction to avoid trouble that creates underlying tensions.

Suffering is not pleasing to anyone in the world. Not even a cockroach likes suffering. No human being wants to suffer. Learn not to make others suffer.

When oppression and suffering go beyond a point, words become redundant. Close your lips and don’t panic that you have been singled out for rough treatment. Human heart can’t bear the disapproval. If people around you refuse to listen or take any notice of your hurt, do not give much importance to please them; move forward very slowly, but surely. Have faith in you. Clinging on things and people for dear life too causes pain. If you know the hurt, be careful to maintain politeness, when you’re annoyed, so irritability is softened by your courtesy and detachment.

If you lose temper, you start losing everything in life. Tolerance is the only way to behave like a human being. Tolerance is not suppression. It avoids unnecessary fights. It gives you the true ability to respect others and to co-operate with open mind.

Old Chinese saying: “the branch which doesn’t bend in the wind, breaks”.

A little flexibility and tolerance will work wonders and gather good will for the future. There is a great virtue in flexibility.

Compassion and Tolerance are not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. - Dalia Lama.

Sometimes circumstances become intolerable after so much of patience… maintain silence to keep your-self peaceful. Silence strengthens your mind. Silence is the best friend that never betrays. Sit quiet for hours and the effect of silence is so pleasant when you are alone. Let your heart break silently. Non-contact with anyone else can also bring certain amount of peace. Your mind will get back to its shape. It can bring up the ability to realize; and brings about clarity in thing.

Silence of thoughts is the best form; by silence one can make progress very quickly and bring back undefiled individuality.

Sometimes, happiness and peace can be calm and quiet thing, a moment of rest upon the wind that makes sunset less sad and haunting......and brightens the sunrise with a gentle promise. Stress is a natural feeling that is created when you react to a particular situation. Generally there will be no major reasons for stress. Stress is self imposed suffering. There is a life of quality and hope after mental stress.

Causes of misery and stress to be avoided:
1. Emotions and feelings that are hidden, repressed end in illness.
2. Lack of close communications & distrust.
3. Indecision accumulates problems leading to anxiety and worries.
4. Negative imagination leads to suspicion and pessimism.
5. Living on appearances, superficial expressions, giving the impression of perfect well-being. 6.The refusal to accept the reality and the absence of self-esteem makes you alienate yourselves. 7. Do not allow issues to breed for no reason.

Forgive yourself and forgive others. Flexibility makes you tension free. Change yourself, to suit the changing times and try to remove your psychological blockages. Adjustment and adaptation is the outcome of best lives that lived the longest.

In order to fully relax, one must be able to let go. Do not hold or hang on to the past. Learn to give up and let go those thoughts, feelings and associations which are holding you back. Letting go works well on the past and the future. This brings us into today. Sometimes it is impossible to completely let go of the past, however hard you try.

Old Chinese saying: “You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head; but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair”.

Have patience with all things, but mostly with yourself. If you lose patience you will become a patient. Patience controls the mind, calms anger, brings peace, gives strength to bear pain and sorrow, and makes you humble.

Problems arise when you are unable to handle yourselves dexterously. Problems often come to you in the form of crisis. Try to face every problem as it comes. Do not borrow others’ problems. They can better care and handle them as much as you can. Your weaknesses attract problems. Rather than praying God for a life, that is problem free, ask for strength to overcome an obstacle.

Character lies at the depth of your most serious thought that stands for your values. Emotion, controlled and directed to work, is character. Personality rises to the occasion of surmounting problems when character feels helpless. Personality is the quality which makes a person what he is as distinct from other persons.

If wealth is lost, nothing is lost; If health is lost, something is lost; If character is lost, everything is lost. - Proverb

You deprive yourself of happiness when you think you are not ‘good enough’. Give yourself a good cry freely; wash your stress through tears and emotion. It won’t hurt you. It will only help. If you stop crying, you will stop laughing too. Then you stand in the corner with a long face. You don’t even laugh or smile and begin to get inhibited. After shedding tears on unexpected issue; stop! No more weeping; stand on your feet, be steady, pure and sincere to the back bone. Make your muscles iron and nerves strong as steel. For one thing, her spine is made of stainless steel. Developing the iron-will, makes you overcome any difficulty. Steel became a symbol of power.

The blacksmith bends the iron rod when it is red hot. An iron is burnt in the fire, by turning all the sides, transforms into strong steel. The hammering it gets turns iron into a shape.

If you think of tomorrow’s hardships you cannot be at peace today. In reality all the hardships that come to you give an opportunity to glow more in your life. Sometimes even difficulties can workout for your advantage and for a positive reason.

He, who grumbles at a little thing that has fallen to his lot, will grumble at everything. Always grumbling makes you lead miserable life, and everything will be a failure. He, who is over-cautious about himself, falls into dangers at every step; He, who is afraid of losing honor and respect, gets always disgrace; He, who is always afraid of loss, always loses.

Strive for the wealth which never fades.

Learn from past lessons; falling down is not failure, but lying down is failure. You become wiser through failures. There is a purpose for each stumble and fall. Nothing can happen to you, if you make yourselves susceptible to any situation. The heart should become strong enough to bear anything in life. The heart should take every moment as it comes; and that is possible only, if you do not get too much attached to anything in life. At the same time Dreams would never sprout if totally detached.

A person without dreams is a person without hope. Each Sun rise brings a new dawn of impossible dreams and an unexpected solution to old problems.

Time heals all sufferings and injuries.

1. Flowers teach us how to smile, at difficulties.
2. Hills teach us how to stand firm in belief.
3. Oceans teach us how to conceal sorrow deep in heart.
4. Moon teaches us how to be calm.
5. Sun teaches us how to be bright.
6. Rivers teach us steady flow towards goal.
7. Trees teach us dedicated social service.

We smile when something pleasant or pleasurable happens. A smile is an involuntary reflection of happiness. Many simple and small things that cost us nothing make us smile.

Create your own peace and happiness with calmness. We start a new life every morning. Begin each day as if it is the beginning of a new life.

Lord Dakshina MurthySilence and Peace

BALANCING CHALLENGES IN FAMILY LIFE

This article has been selected as the winner of the Second Prize (consisting of a Rs.3000/- cash award) for Essay Competition on "Balancing family needs and handling the challenges faced by families / children in current scenario" conducted on the occasion of International Family Day by CMC Maitree.

Traditionally ‘Family’ plays a very important role in Indian culture and is the significant differentiators compared to the other cultures in the world.

The role of family has undergone significant changes in modern times. With the fast-paced changes in modern society families and children are facing many challenges. In this kind of environment what are the best ways of balancing family needs and handling the challenges faced?

By following some simple and easy steps one can face challenges and achieve balance in family life.

Surveys have universally concluded that people claim to be most happy in the company of friends and family. Everyone feels more alive when surrounded with people.

In families, communication plays an important role in maintaining a happy and friendly environment. Communication shows exchange of views, opinions, interests, hobbies, talents, etc. It clears everything and avoids confusion. Some people may have difficulty in self expression, lack the clarity in explaining while communicating. Be sympathetic with them and give importance for their feelings.

Interesting conversations also increase a good listening habit. Listen without attempting to defend or justify hastily. Everyone in the family needs love, especially in the form of respect, listening, appreciation and friendship. Fairness in every interaction and association should be maintained.

Good relationships are worth more than anything. There is no need for a special day to express a good feeling and affection. When something really good happens to you, be thankful, and tell how much favor happened to you cheerfully. It gives lot of encouragement and strength, to increase happiness in the family. Enjoy your role in your family to strengthen relationships.

Optimistic attitude, full of hope works better for every success in life. Giving importance to unnecessary matters, you may miss small joy in your personal life. Try to lead a cheerful life. Sharing small and ordinary things with your family shows love, affection, and gives lot of happiness. Try to see beauty in small things. Enjoy good humor. Laughter is the light and lightens the world. Laughter enhances our energy levels and provides relaxation to our muscles, body and mind.

Give importance to care, and paying attention to your family. The most important relationships and decisions are made involving family and friends. Try to be both adaptable and patient. Create a peaceful, calm and harmonious environment.

Peace is better than conflict.

The misunderstandings between family members are largely due to strings being pulled by other members of the family, relatives and friends. Do not go by what you are told.

If one does not agree with another, do not hate your partner. Hatred doesn’t leave space for a person to be fair and it makes you blind and closes all doors of thinking and making right decision or judgment.

Do not try to rule everyone in the family, and have a tendency to impose your will on family and friends, since your ideas are their best interests. To fulfill your own interests, do not make your spouse uncomfortable. Any body can bear only a certain amount of growing tensions.

When things don’t appear to happen as quickly or exactly in the manner you’d like, all sorts of inner frustrations begin to start.

Ego destroys your relationships. There may be emotional discussions or arguments, crazy movements on occasions. Try to ignore them with a bright and broad mind. Too much self-importance, constant inward and outward battle for supremacy causes emotional pressures.

Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause, which gives misery and frustration. Don’t let a little dispute injure your good relationships. In disagreements fight fairly. With loved ones deal with the current situation. Don’t bring the past.

Do not make hasty decisions; anything worth having is worth waiting for. Tolerance is the only way to balance life on anyone’s scales. Show tolerance at the time of distress and difficulty, an imbalanced individual can behave irrationally and pay little attention towards using hurtful expressions. Be generous to any fault in your spouse you will remain as a good loving partner.

Forgiveness is divine. The most beautiful thing a partner can do is to forgive. Your forgiveness should be such that the person, who is forgiven, does not even know that you are forgiving him or her. They should not even feel guilty about their mistake.

Heal the hurt with loving tenderness and wisdom. Love can cement anything, even hearts that have broken into a thousand pieces.

Burying resentment in silence won’t make negative feelings disappear. Negative feelings make life dull. By being more open and direct, less subtle and evasive, much hurt can be avoided.

Believe in truth, not evasion. Truth can solve any difficulty, when it is faced with openness and compassion. Telling the truth saves a great deal of trouble.

Being extensively jealous and possessive reveals your own sense of insecurity and your belief that you don’t really deserve to have this person as a partner. A little jealousy is natural but too much possessiveness can begin, as something irritating and end up as a major issue. Insecure feelings show suspicion towards you.

The unfounded suspicion is something which implies a thing about truth and integrity. This ruins your relationship and family…..creates so many problems.

Obstacles for weak family relations:

F = Frustration
A = Avoidance
I = Inferiority
L = Lack of assertiveness
U = under handed actions
R = Resentment
E = Envy

Friction spoils the affection at home.

If you love something, very, very much, let it go free. Remember, “Birds return to their nest”. TRUST is the only, major important trait for good family relationship.

Have patience with yourself, and everyone in the family. Do not lose courage considering imperfections, but instantly begin remedying them. Sometimes a thoughtless mistake can be very helpful. Accept and adopt criticism. It strengthens to improve your efficiency to face any challenge.

Unless one learns to tolerate and even enjoy being alone, it is very difficult to accomplish any task that requires undivided concentration. For this reason, it is essential to find ways to control consciousness even when we are left to our own.

Take responsibility for your happiness. “The central method for achieving a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes and strengthens positive ones”.

It is not sufficient if you are a good individual. With getting good association and cooperation only, you can balance needs and good relationships in the family. Acceptance gives prosperity.

Bad experiences, disappointments, and ups and downs in your life should not make you hard or bitter… only stronger with positive approach. Face your problems with open courage.

Accepting problems whether major or minor, and deciding how to patiently and calmly deal with them is another thing. Be firm, in solving a problem. Follow your own way, do not invite or involve others in your affairs not to create crisis. Sometimes people around you take advantage, and make fun. They will make a mountain out of a mole hill. With no reason tale-bearers may create base less rumors which can disturb stability in the family. The best course for you with such personalities is to avoid them, or at least not to give them scope to train their guns on you.

Obstacles lend you the gift of will power and determination.

Relax yourself with some recreation; going out for vacation with your family makes you feel fresh and happy. Pleasure trips strengthen your relationships.

Make priorities, work together to fulfill your ambitions. Recognize and encourage your partner to achieve his/her goals. Give freedom of thought, action, and movement in every aspect and remain as an ideal partner.

In modern society, behind every successful man there is an even more successful, working woman. Working woman is showing more efficiency and capability of balancing both family and career with so much of challenge. Appreciate and encourage her, in every way, giving full support to reach great heights in her profession. Everyone in the family must understand her; Give plenty of love and affection to reduce stress she is facing throughout the day. Feel proud and happy to see her in a good position. Be flexible, and create ideal image that can make you happy and your family.

When a woman is a housewife, just make your man and family prosperity as your career. Gladly help him in every way sincerely, true to the saying “behind every successful man there’s a woman”. A woman’s heart lies in serving her whole family cheerfully. To work with love is a holy thing.

Show urge to serve the family and all the individuals by pointing out their faults to bring order and accumulate a reasonable amount of personal security for the future at the same time. Enjoy work after family obligations are properly attended all of which may take endless time and attention. Take duties and obligations seriously. Enjoy your role in your family. Do not be unfaithful to the vows, once committed.

The five personality traits that help man/woman to live and thrive…

1. Extroverted character
2. Agreeable manner
3. Conscientiousness
4. Emotional stability
5. Openness to experience

Ethics in a family develops more strength. The gentle humility and patience makes a good family. See love of peace and harmony is seen everywhere. Give respect to your head of the family. Purity of mind in a wife ensures health and longevity of the husband. Respect for the wisdom of age and experience, a sense of duty and responsibility shows sincerely towards family.

Health is wealth; it is well being of your family. Concentrate on healthy food habits for healthy mind to balance your life with great strength. Wrong food habits increase stress levels in your body.

Woman heart must be close to culture and tradition. See that every corner in your home is clean. It will give positive vibrations in your family. Disciplined life, faith in God, and prayer can become a way of life in a family, even while engaged in onerous duties of life. Prayer is just like a meditation. Prayer can reduce chaotic thinking. Prayers to God remove ill feelings in the home.

Self-esteem is an important quality that guides you to behave ethically. Give value to honesty and try to be honest in all your dealings. A decision is right if it benefits others or at least does not harm anybody. It has to be based on principles of fairness and equality. Leave important matters to your man he will do justice to everyone in the family. Remain as accomplished and devoted wife.

Money is very important in one’s life and the acquisition of money and its management contributes in making one successful in life. Mismanagement of finances creates many problems in a family.

Generally many problems arise with money matters, showing disparity between both families. Be sensible in spending your money. Spend thrift to be generous to your siblings. Be generous when they are in need. Think some day you may be in need. Some doesn’t like to need and believe that “needing” is a synonym for “weakness”. Where there is no need of monetary help, give love and affection through your services. Helping others seeks a shining ideal.

Have faith in humanity, it must come from home. “Live and Let Live”, humanitarian concern for others teaches the beautiful rewards of self-giving. Show quickness to help your people; cooperate beautifully to balance your relationships. Work to your own satisfaction and to the satisfaction of all. Let everyone feel comfortable in your presence with your behavior. A little tenderness today can prevent a lot of tears tomorrow.

When you are strong about family ties, feel a sense of duty and responsibility towards your parents. Take good care and attend to their needs sincerely. Share your happiness and joy with your parents. When your parents get suddenly hospitalized, or suffering from some health problems, first personally be concerned, then for additional help, ask your spouse to share your responsibility. Understanding between both a man/woman must be very strong. Kindly understand their elderly problems and give your maximum moral support they need. Respect and gratitude tells everything with services. Without knowing you will enjoy unimagined blessing and boon in your family life. See a wonderful success and prosperous future of your children in every step.

To Parents…
  • Bringing up your children is moral responsibility.
  • Be a tender and caring parent...
  • Give a little love to child and you get a great deal back.
  • Spend plenty of time with your children. If both are working parents, spare some time for them daily. Share everything about your career; gradually the little brains can understand and cooperate with your routine life.
  • Give your children more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
  • Trust your children. Listen and respect their views and opinions.
  • Encourage and appreciate their talents and capabilities.
  • Tell them: ‘There’s no substitute for hard work. It is bound to give you good results’.
  • Don’t leave your children alone whenever you go out. Always take them with you; they will enjoy your presence; feeling of love.
  • Don’t be over-critical or judgmental about your child.
  • Don’t compare them with other children. Only good comparison and constructive criticism gives confidence.
  • Don’t compare your past with your child’s present. Give them your best and they give you their best. Don’t give orders and arrogant lectures, and try to rule your child. He/she will shrink and cheerful face will disappear.
  • Most of the time parents impose their own ideas, views and interests; and believe that it is for the well being of children.
  • See that your parental authority is fair and honest, show that there is logic behind your command; children will learn to respect your rules.
  • Many times parents insist on obedience to rules, they make up for their own convenience, rather than for the well-being of the child. Children can smell this kind of dishonesty very quickly. Better plan to explain all your orders and commands to them calmly. Be firm, give a good solid reason.
  • Some children will never swallow your rules if they’re based on social morals than on concern for his/her welfare.
  • Parents mind should not be narrow and prejudiced.
  • Unjustified offense makes your child become detached mentally from you.
  • When you’re wrong you’ll have to admit your mistake and confess; take immediate steps to correct it. Open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values.
  • Excellent nutrition and stimulating environment at home and work are conducive to intelligence of your children.
Grow older, and stay younger to enjoy with your next generation.

Live a good, healthy, prosperous, and honorable long family life. People with healthy life styles are known to look youthful, cheerful and full of zeal even late in life. When you get older and think back you’ll get to enjoy it a second time. Make family as a true society.

F = Faith
A = Affection
M = Moral strength
I = Integrity
L = Love and loyalty
Y = Yielding

Bapu Family Painting